Blog,  Personal

After two failed attempts, why am I blogging again?

I had this question running through my head for nine months. The fear and anxiety of openly sharing my thoughts on the internet have crept into my mind and took me over. I was trying to figure out WHY I wanted to blog again, but I never really arrived with an ideal answer. I know there is something deeper than my human reasons for blogging again. But instead of spending my time and energy looking for the right reasons, here I am, blogging again in the hopes that one day I will understand why I am doing what I am doing.

The blogosphere is highly dense nowadays. Many people have established their own blogs. Heck, I even know a lot of friends who are blogging. You might ask me “Why do you want to join now?” Honestly, I couldn’t give you the most convincing answer but here is something I learned from my past experiences: as with any failed exploration, we will always pick ourselves up and start all over again. And that is the very reason why I am here, even if this is my third attempt at blogging.

The Beginning of My Blogging Journey

I started blogging back in 2013, but I didn’t take it seriously. No clear intentions. No desired outcomes. I have had two blogs since I started but both have been shut down. One of the reasons why I created a blog was that my best friend was into blogging. I was a sponge for information (and still am), whether it was about trying new hobbies or picking up a new book. As a 19-year old, I did not know what I wanted to do in life so whatever sparked my interest, I would, no doubt, give it a try.

Being an introvert, I live in my head most of the time. I needed a place to speak my mind. Sure, I could do that in my journal. But I also believe there are stories better shared with the world. I am not very good at talking so I thought, picking up a pen and paper to write down my thoughts would allow me to share my story with whoever is interested in my journey.

Started off on Blogspot

I jumped head on and created my first blog on Blogspot. My writings were mostly about my personal struggles while living an unconventional life as a teenager. I became a breadwinner as soon as I turned 18. I wrote what I couldn’t tell to anyone. It was more of a secret online journal. I was too terrified to make it known to everybody. For all I know, it was out of fear of judgment and criticism. But one day, an anonymous reader left a comment in one of my posts. I am going to share with you a little secret that I never told anyone because I was ashamed of myself. The reader said that I could write but I used too much flowery language making him confused. It seemed like I ate a thick paperback dictionary and spit out words at random. It was a harsh yet honest truth. Because Blogspot is an online blogging platform, I was too dumb not to consider the possibility that someone might read my blog by some strange coincidence. I wasn’t ready to receive that sort of criticism. I felt discouraged, so I shut down my first blog to contemplate.

Tried again on Tumblr

I had a long hiatus before I gave blogging a second try. It was in early 2014 that I created my second blog. This time, I signed up on Tumblr. I used it as an avenue to express the emotional side of me. This was also the time I started writing about travel and adventures. I would even write movie and book reviews. I called my blog as a ‘random blog’ because I would write anything that comes to mind. I was doing it all for fun, not worried if I will ever have readers. But eventually, I stopped writing in December 2014. (I know what you are thinking right now. 😛) I was dealing with a serious personal problem alone. You could say that the foundations of my love for blogging were not deep and strong enough to keep me standing when the violent storm came. I had no clear purpose for the blog. I had no niche. So I stopped. I stayed away from writing online and stuck with my journal.

Is third time the charm?

Now I’m on my third attempt at blogging. You can laugh at me and that’s perfectly fine. I would join you, even. Haven’t I learned from my failed experiences? Well, I actually did and that’s why I am doing it again. This time around, I have a goal in mind. But I am not doing all of this with a draped robe of confidence. The possibility of adding a third vertical line on my invisible tally marks still frightens me. Maybe it will work out this time, or maybe it won’t. That is why I wrote this blog post as a self-reminder. When life becomes too heavy to bear and I find myself at a crossroads, I have a special corner on this blog that I could go back to remind me why I started this in the first place.

If there is one thing I am certain of, I am sharing pieces of my life’s journal with the desire that somewhere in the corners of the world, I could convince one soul to step out of his safe zone and explore the other side of fear. The world has a great story to tell. But because of our hectic lives, nobody takes time to listen anymore. Although traveling is fun, it is not the only way to appreciate the beauty of this temporary home we call Earth. We don’t necessarily have to travel halfway around the world or spend an outrageous amount of money to understand ourselves and the world we live in. She is everywhere only if we throw off the shackles and take the time to look around, then we will see the myriad of ways the world reveals her face and bares her skin.

I also don’t want to rely on social media platforms to express my little creative side. I want to have a place that I can call my own, and where I can freely express myself. This is the part of me that I am willing to share with the rest of the world without hesitations. If I had a good memory, I wouldn’t be documenting my life through words and photographs. So when I am 80 and my memory couldn’t serve me well, I could look back at the life I have lived and how I have grown over the years. For this is my goal: I plan on making my life an incredible and a memorable one.

If you have made it to the end of this post – thank you! I appreciate you taking the time to read this personal reflection. See you on the road, my friend!